I don't even fucking know anymore..

Well, Lately I have been feeling empty, down, lonely, tired allll the time, depressed? No, idk what to call this feeling, but It does NOT feel good at all. I deleted somebody off of facebook today and I feel stupid for doing it.. He barely ever wants to talk to me anymore because were so far from eachother (He lives in Denmark) and he met someone that is now his girlfriend that he's 'in love' with.. I don't like it at all, but whatever. He made me smile so much and made me feel sooo good as a person. So special. So loved. Now? I feel.. the opposite. I'm trying not to let it get to me so bad, but my mind and heart and just working together to make me feel like this. Anyways.. I wanna leave this place. Go somewhere new. Meet some new people and change my lifestyle a little bit. Meet a guy that fits my needs. I know i'm young and only 15, but every 15 year old girl wants this.. I know it! People tell me "Oh, you'll find someone in the future" but that's the 'future'.. I really don't like waiting for the future! /: But whatever.. I gotta live with it I guess.. Well, i'm going back to bed.

Update!

Sooooo, this is just a quick update on life right now. I haven't been posting anything lately because i've been reeeaaally busy with school and life. Hahaha Life is literally going amaaazing right now! My sophmore year has pretty much been easy as fuck and it makes my life outside of school a lot more easier. I just started talking to someone I haven't been able to talk to for awhile because of bad things and complications in the past. It feels sooooo good. Knowing I have them back in my life completly changes everything and makes me happy! (: I'm at Britney;s house right now (My best friend) and i'm here till 5. I'm on her lap top just searching around on the internet, doing my homework at the same time. Hahaha I CAN'T GET NUMBER 15!!! It's impossible! I'm sooo stumped! This is wayyyy off topic, but if you actually read these posts, pleeaase comment on this. :/ I need to know if anybody is actually caring what I say and how I feel about things. I need to know if i'm wasting my precious time so I can maybe delete it.. Anyways, I gotta get this homework done before I leave here. Byee! (:

Update!

I haven't updated my blog in awhile.. :/ It's kinda hard to keep a promise to make a new post everyday when you're in school getting loaded up with SHIT LOADS of fucking hard homework! D: Anyways.. School is going good thankfully! I've had some ups and downs dealing with my thoughts and shit, but NO DRAMA!!! :D That was my biggest goal and it's accomplished so far! (: I got some sleeping pills for my insomnia too thanks to my amazing aunt that understands me problem! :) MY CHICKEN NUGGETS ARE DONE! Omg omg omg i'm soooo hungry..

Music!

Music is literally pretty much my life! My true friends and whole family knows that because I listen to it 24/7. No joke! They get soooooo annoyed. In fact, i'm listening to it as i'm writing this! (; I love everything but country and modern stuff. I hate the radio because all it plays are the same songs over and over and OVER! I hate it! And most of the crap isn't even music! Just a repeating beat and the same words repeated wayyyyy too many times. It's just plain out, straight up too damn annoying. I listen to the good stuff. The stuff no one really knows about so it makes it better when everyone doesn't talks about it alllll the time. I've had an ipod for about 3 or 4 years and i'm shocked it still works as much as I listen to it! I listen to it in the morning while i'm getting ready for the day and all day at school. Then I come home and plug it in my ipod dock after school and leave it on the rest of the day while i'm doing my homework, eating, checking my stuff on the internet, and when i'm going to bed. Whenever i'm in a great happy mood I have the right type of music for it. When i'm sad gloomy and depressed feeling, I have the right music to set that mood. Music is just so  dang AMAZING! It gets me through SO much stuff too! When i'm depressed and I write, I listen to it and it just makes me feel so mellow and chill. It gets my mind off of everything and puts me in my own amazing world where no one can bother me. I make music too. I write a lot of my own songs and I play them on my keyboard and acoustic guitar. I'll put a few of them on my blog sometime in the future. I've loved music since I was like 5 and I sing all the time. I honestly don't think I have a very good singing voice, but I sing my heart out anyways! <3 I could make this post so long, you'd wanna stop reading it right before the middle. Thats how much I love music! It really sucks though when I play my music out loud or I have my earbuds in all the time, my parents judge everything about it. I fricken HATE it with a passion. They put my music down in so many ways and it just tears me apart when they talk about my music like that. Just please accept my music and stop complaining about it and making me feel like crap alllll the time? Please? Thankss. :/ Anyways.. Thats pretty much it. I really do mean it though.. Music IS my life.. Forever and ever and never won't not be! <3

Laughing my ass off!

I'm am in SUCH a great mood today! :) It's Friday for 1 thing and school is going GREAT so far! I started on Wednesday and that day was a little iffy, but Thursday got a little better and today was AMAZTASTIC! (: My friends are so fucking hilarious, I literally almost pissed my pants today from laughing so hard in my classes at them. They make my life. <3 This year my classes are awesome because I love alllll my teachers, but 1.. But whatever! (: I see people I don't really want to see in the hallways sometimes, but I gotta live and deal with it!.. :/ I ride the bus now. It can be a little cramped and hot, but at least it's full of quiet people so I get to take naps in the morning.. (; I'm such a lazy ass! XD I've already got up late twice.. :o I made a few new friends on my bus and a shit load in school! I still like I should made more though. ;p I have a stroooong feeling my sophmore year is gonna go great! (: I'm going all over with this because i'm so hyper and happy for some off reason, but WHATEVER! Byee! (:

Sophmore Year! 2011-2012

I can't believe summer of 2011 is almost over. Just 20 more hours left.. A lot happened this summer I never even thought was going to happen. It was unbelievable! I got really tan, I lost a LOT of weight, I got to spend a shit load of time with my close friends, I got to see my best childhood friend that I haven't seen for 7 years, I got a broken heart, and I lost a really close friend.. :/ I will never forget the good and bad memories of this summer. Tomorrow when I start my sophmore year, I will accomplish my goals for 10th grade. I'm gonna make a ton of new friends, I'm not  gonna let relationships tear me down like they have in the past, I'm gonna work my hardest to get fantastic grades, and i'm gonna stay away from all the drama. 10th grade is going to be amazing! 9th grade was the best school year of my life, so why not have 10th grade be the greatest?! (: I'll write a lot of blogs on the school year, so be ready. <3

Toddlers in love

So, every Sunday I go to church. I don't ever want to go because i'm not really into religion, but my parents make me go so I don't have a choice. :/ I love little kids, so I found a way to get out of the service and do something else. I volunteer every Sunday morning from 11 a.m. - 12:15 p.m. taking care of 5 year olds in the "Whale room" XD Gay huh?.. Hahaha anyways, Every once in awhile I notice two little kids starting to fall in love with eachother and it's probably one of the CUTEST things to watch! This morning I had 2 cute little kids in my class named Tyler and Crystal. I'm really not supposed to let this happen, but knowing me I do let it happen because it's SO damn cute! All they did was chase eachother around, talk, hug, hold hands, and stare at eachother smiling and giggling! :) The little boy came up to me and whispered in my ear that he really liked Crystal a lot. So I asked Crystal if she liked him and she started blushing and said yessssss! (: Young love is seriously the cutest thing EVER! <3

Insomnia..

Insomnia: The inability to obtain sufficient sleep, especially when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness. Ohhh the joy of Insomnia... I get it almost every night. I'll lay down at like 9 and just lay there wide awake in the silent darkness and fall asleep at around 4 in the morning. I don't know how exactly I caught on to this horrible sleeping disorder, but i'm dying with it. I can't fall asleep at all! How am I supposed to live with this the rest of my life? I'll have high school.. work.. college.. kids.. The depression that I go through in my life makes it worse too. When i'm depressed I think. Think and think and think. So when i'm laying down my mind is literally running 100 mph and I can't stop thinking which makes it even harder trying to fall asleep.. :/

Best friend!

So I haven't said anything yet about my best friend, have I? Well her name is Britney, shes pretty much my sister and I can trust her with anything! (: Her family is my family and my family is her family. We'll raid eachothers fridges and we just trash eachothers houses! I remember EVERYTHING me and her have been through together. All my scars and bruises are literally all from her. We have SO many crazy memories that I can remember. Do I remember the mashed potatoe issue we had in like 7th grade..? Damn straight I do! (; Omg so she is LITERALLY obsessed with mashed potatoes and one day at lunch they were serving mashed potatoes and knowing her, she got a shit load on her tray. XD She got to the lunch table and was making fun of me so I thought i'd get her back! She took 1 bite of her mashed potatoes, left the lunch table, and I quickly grabbed her tray, poured chocolate milk ALL over her mashed potatoes and put it back where it was. She came back and had the most shocked look on her face. She just stood there with the most evil look on her face and I thought right away RUN BITCH RUUUUUN! So I did.. I ran allll the way down stairs into the hallway not knowing where to hide. Then she found me and chased me, grabbed me, dragged me into the girls locker room, locked the door, and legit beat the FUCK outa me! She kicked and punched me so fricken hard! I got bruises and a scar.. Then we didn't talk for like a week because she was so pissed and knowing us, we made up happily! :) I learned that day NEVER to mess with her mashed potatoes.. :p Lmfao I'll try to post more memories I have of us once in awhile. :) <3

HYPER!!!

OMGOMGOMGOMG! Have you ever had one of them nights where you get so fricken hyper?! I seriously just want to run around the house 20 times screaming and yelling like a retard on crack! I'M SO HYPER! I had an Amp at like 1 in the afternoon and now it's 8:50 at night and it's JUST kicking in! Right before I want to go to bed! Blahhh Whatever.. I SMELL LIKE A FRICKEN MAN! I just mowed the lawn and when I got done, I was literally covered in dirt and sweat. I'm like a dirt magnet, yah know? ;) Why is it EVERY time I go to mow the lawn i'm usually in a pissy mood? Like seriously, right before I started the lawn mower today my mom and I were arguing! What the fuck dude? Then I do a nice real shitty job.. Anyways I don't know why i'm writing this blog. I just feel like telling you I smell like a man and i'm hyper as fuck! :) Bye now! <3

I have to piss! D:

HA! Now that I got your attention with that title, i'll start my first post on my blog. (; I really do have to go pee though so i'm gonna write this real quick then go! XD Okay so, My name is Shayla. I'm 15 years old and I go to Irondale High School. Please don't stalk or creep on me.. I'll tell you a little bit about myself. My whole life has pretty much been both great and chaotic. At age 6 or 7 my dad started drinking and my mom and I had no choice, but to deal with it. Then one day my mom put up with his bullshit, packed up, and we moved out. Thats when my dad started to abuse drugs and alchohol and made my whole family's life a wreck. I went through a lot of shit. Got abused verbally and physically by my father, fought with my mom all the time, and ended up almost killing myself at age 12. I started cutting at age 13 for all sorts of reasons.. My mom and dad tried working out their marriage every once in awhile, but it never worked out. March of 2010 I got a call from my dad at about 10 at night. He was completly sober and kept calling and calling checking up on my mom and I for some odd reason. He said he went to church that day and god saved him. He stopped drinking and doing drugs after that night. It was a HUGE change in my life. Hes been sober for almost 3 years and I literally can't believe it. I do sometimes wish he was the way he was before because hes really different. My mom and I moved out of the apartments her and I were living in and now were back to living with my dad in a drug/alchohol free enviroment. It's weird and I don't even know why my life has turned out this way. I honestly don't really like it, but anyways thats pretty much my past experiences. I'll try to post everyday. Schools starts in like 6 days so lets hope my sophmore year goes well! I'm gonna go pee now! BYE! (: